


desperate and alone

by buckleydiaz



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Amputation, Angst, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Loneliness, M/M, Major Character Injury, Married Buddie, Medical Trauma, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, amputee buck
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-22
Updated: 2019-12-23
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:35:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21904588
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buckleydiaz/pseuds/buckleydiaz
Summary: Worked together for eighteen months, together for sixteen, married for one. Buck and Eddie know their job is dangerous but they still try to protect each other all the time.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz
Comments: 2
Kudos: 81





	1. pinned

**Author's Note:**

> this is kinda sad.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Through thick and thin Eddie will always be there to take of his husband even when he doesn't want it.

**Monday. May 13, 2019. 9:00 pm.**

The alarms ring. Dispatch announces a kitchen fire that spread to the rest of the house. The team grabbed their gear and headed to the trucks and ambulances. Hen rides in the ambulance. Chimney sits in the front seat. Buck and Eddie right next to each other in the back. They were right next to each other. Next thing they knew they were thrown off of the truck and onto the concrete. 

Eddie must've hit his head. He was unable to process the situation until Chimney grabbed his arm and dragged him behind the ambulance. "Buck" Eddie muttered to himself looking around until he locked eyes on his husband. Buck was pinned under the side of the truck. Trying to claw his way out but he was trapped. A suicide bomber threatened to blow up both of them if anyone took a step closer. Chim and Hen had to hold Eddie back.

"Crush injury, he's losing a lot of blood. He's pinned from the knee down. He's all alone." Eddie mutters to himself trying to keep himself calm. He doesn't even notice Chimney step out and confront the bomber. He hears his husband screaming in pain and his heart breaks a little more every time. He doesn't know how long goes by before Bobby is stepping in and disarming the bomber. The second the bomber is in the police's hands Eddie, with the rest of his team to rescue his husband.

"Buck stay with us." Hen says as she secures him in a neck brace and runs an IV into his arm. 

"We're gonna get you out of here." Eddie reassures him as he squeezes his hand. The other firefighters do their best to get the truck off of him. It just wasn't enough. 

"We need more people!" Hen yells.

"I'll radio again-" Chim starts before his is cutoff by the bystanders coming in to help. Everyone watching from a distance runs into help him. If Eddie wasn't already crying he would be now. 

"On Three, One, Two, Three!" Chim yells and Buck groans in pain even louder. Eddie and Hen pull him out as fast as they can. 

"We got him!" Eddie yells as they transfer him on the backboard. Eddie never lets go of his hand.

"C'mon Buck. Hospital is four minutes away." Hen assures him as they get into the ambulance. Chimney gets into the drivers seat and they go.

Hen was doing her best to control the bleeding from his leg while Eddie tried his best to keep Buck calm and awake until they get to the hospital. 

"Babe, you need to stay awake, a little longer. okay?" Eddie asks his husband. Tears from Buck's eyes unable to respond due to the oxygen mask in the pain. "You're going to be okay, I promise. I love you." Eddie continues and Buck squeezes his hand tighter. Eddie moves one of his hands to Buck's head and kisses him gently. 

They arrive at the hospital and a team of doctors are ready to take him in. Eddie hesitates when letting go but he knows they have to do their job.

Eddie never wanted to see the love of his life in that much pain. He wish it was him. He was sitting right next to Buck. It could've been him. It should've been him.


	2. patience

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> seven hours of surgery later. Buck's entire life has changed.

**Tuesday. May 14th, 2019. 5:00 am.**

The waiting room was empty except for the worried firefighters and their families. Eddie was sitting in an uncomfortable chair with his head buried into his knees. It's been all night and he hasn't stopped crying. He managed to text his Abuela explaining why he won't be home in the morning. She saw the news and didn't ask questions. Maddie arrived just after them. She was sitting down with her head on Chimney's shoulder. Bobby and Athena were also here just waiting for some news. 

Eddie looked up when he heard a doctor say, "Family of Evan Buckley-Diaz?" The whole team stood up. "Direct family?" she continued.

"I'm his sister," Maddie began.

"I'm his um husband," Eddie stated.

"Could you two come with me?" She asked as she led them into the ICU. "Mr. Buckley-Diaz's surgery resulted in an above the knee amputation. We did everything we could to preserve the limb however, we came to the conclusion that he would not survive unless we amputated. There were a few complications with controlling the bleeding. We managed to stop the bleeding but he did lose a lot of blood so we have him getting a transfusion right now. He is expected to make a full recovery physically although many patients do struggle, mentally and we can provide a psychiatrist if you would like." The doctor detailed them about everything that happened before They were allowed in the room. 

Buck was still asleep from the surgery. He had a nasal cannula helping him breathe. He also had new scars and stitches on his head. He right leg was tucked in under the blanket while his remaining left leg was wrapped in bandages and over the blanket. He had an IV of liquids in one arm and the other one he was receiving a blood transfusion. There was a monitor beeping steadily behind him.

Eddie took a seat on one side of him and Maddie on the other. He carefully squeezed his hand, not wanting to interfere with anything keeping him alive. They knew it could be a while before he woke up but it was comforting to know he made it off the table okay.

\---

**Tuesday. May 14th, 2019. 7:00 am.**

Eddie's head was resting on Buck's bed, their hands still interlocked. Maddie had left to update the team and have breakfast with Chimney, knowing Eddie would want some alone time with his husband. The nurse told them that he should be waking up soon and when he does, he would be in an intense amount of pain.

Buck's grip on Eddie's hand tightens as a quiet groan escapes his mouth. Eddie looks up to his face. Buck keeps his eyes shut trying to go back into the painless sleep. 

"Buck?" Eddie whispers as he cups his face. Buck opens his eyes a few tears fall out before he squeezes them shut again. "Can you give him something for the pain?" Eddie asks a passing nurse. She nods and adjusts his IV. 

It only takes a few minutes for the painkillers to kick in before Buck is able to apprehend that he was in a hospital bed. His eyes first turn to Eddie. "Eds, wh-what-" Buck begins before Eddie cuts him.

"Babe, there was an accident while we were working. There was a bomb on the truck, and your leg was crushed. There was nothing the doctors could've done." Eddie explains as he cups his face and squeezes his hand. "Babe-" he was cut off after Buck glanced down at his 'stump' and tears began to fall faster. His cries grew louder and louder. 

Eddie crawled into the small hospital bed next to him to just hold him in his arms. Eddie's shirt became drenched with tears but he didn't care. Buck just kept his face buried in Eddie. Buck cried and cried for what felt like hours and Eddie let him. He didn't even move when his sister and team came to check on him. He probably didn't even notice. Eddie just shook his head and they left.

Eddie whispered some 'I love you's and 'I'm so sorry's but never received a response. It wasn't until the doctor came in Eddie had to get up so they could examine him. Buck flinched when the doctor undid the bandage around his 'stump'. She asked him to rate his pain on a scale of one to ten. Buck said a 5 when Eddie knew it was probably higher. Buck didn't even listen to the doctor talk about his recovery. He just stared.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapters are short. sorry.


	3. everything is different

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Today is the day Buck is being discharged. After ten days of doctors and friends coming to visit him he was finally allowed to leave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the really short chapters.

**Wednesday. May 20th, 2019. 9:00 am.**

Today is the day Buck is being discharged. After ten days of doctors and friends coming to visit him he was finally allowed to leave. Buck's hospital stay was mostly uneventful. Either Eddie was always here, unless he had to be home with Christopher, but when Eddie wasn't there Maddie was. They coordinated staying with him at different time so Buck was never alone. Although, he could've used some alone time. 

The past ten days, Buck hadn't smiled. Well, he faked smiled when Christopher came to visit. He wanted to protect his son from all of his pain. Christopher was the only thing keeping Buck from losing it all. He was tired of everyone asking him if he was okay and walking around him like he was made of glass. Christopher didn't do that. Christopher talked to Buck like he always did. 

Buck and Eddie signed the last of the discharge papers before Eddie had a quick conversation with the doctor. A nurse gave Eddie a brown paper bag filled with Buck's medications. Buck was sitting comfortably in his wheelchair as he watched Eddie return. Eddie wheeled his husband out to their car, that was parked in a handicapped spot. Eddie normally only parks in the handicapped spot when he has Christopher.

"Why'd you park here?" Buck asked as his husband opened the passenger side door.

"Um, I just thought it be easier. For today." Eddie stood at Buck's side as he helps Buck stand up on his one leg and transfer him into the car. Buck winced when Eddie's hand briefly touched his 'stump'. Thank god Eddie drove Buck's jeep because he doesn't think he would have been able to take the big step up into Eddie's truck.

When they get to the house Eddie helps Buck back into his wheelchair before taking him into the house. It was definitely a plus that their house was already handicapped accessible. Buck noticed that Eddie moved some of the furniture around to make it easier for Buck's wheelchair. Buck hated the wheelchair. Soon he'd be able to use the crutches more but for now the doctor suggested that he stayed sitting. 

"Do you want me to help you onto the couch?" Eddie asks as they enter the quiet house. As much as Christopher wanted to be home when Buck got home he had to go to school.

Buck shook his head. "I just want to go to bed." Eddie didn't respond. He just brought Buck into their bedroom. Helping Buck transfer onto the bed was a lot easier than the car. Buck didn't say more. He just moved the covers to cover himself before closing his eyes and burying himself into his pillows. 

Eddie walked towards the door to turn the lights off, "I love you," he whispered.

Buck hesitated, "you too". He says quietly as Eddie shuts the door. 

**Wednesday. May 20th, 2019. 3:00 pm.**

Eddie knocked gently on their bedroom door before opening it a peak. Buck was awake but he wasn't doing anything. Just staring at the wall. It looked like he has been crying. 

"Hey," Eddie whispered and Buck turned his attention from the blank wall to Eddie. Eddie moved from the doorway onto their bed, "did you sleep?"

"Little bit," Buck answered as he moves in closer to Eddie. 

"I'm gonna go pick up Christopher and a pizza. Are you hungry?" Eddie asked and he just shook his head. "Okay well I'll save you a slice for later." Eddie kissed Buck's forehead before leaving the room. 

\---

When Eddie returns home with Christopher Buck can hear Eddie telling his son to be quiet because Buck may be sleeping. But Christopher insists on telling Buck all about his day at school. 

That's what Christopher did. He slowly entered his parent's bedroom and proceeded to talk to Buck about anything. Buck didn't care, it was nice for someone to talk to him that didn't pity him. 


End file.
